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Riley

Journal of a 25-year-old Virgin

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Journal Seven

11/6/2019

2 Comments

 
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​Before you continue this journal, please know I come from a place of love, grace and understanding. This is no easy subject to tackle, but I have 10,000+ readers because I don’t shy away from the taboo.
Last week, I was teaching at Sunday School for a group of kindergarteners when this sweet, shy boy raised his hand. I nodded to him and he asked me, “Teacher Riley, what’s the meaning of life?” All of a sudden, the room full of chocolate-fueled four-year-old children started shouting out their answers, ranging from happiness, eating more chocolate, and becoming God’s #1 bestie. Yet, without my guidance, the twenty-something children all agreed on one answer— LOVE. 
 
You may be reading this journal and have different moral and religious expressions from me. But I hope we can both agree, as did the little ones, that love is the most important, if not the core, purpose of our lives. If so, then I propose we should intentionally pursue activities that promote love. 
 
But, first, let us figure out together what is love? Love is a noun and a verb. Love is holding hands at hospital beds. Love can be found in kitchens full of food and deep conversations. Love is a friend that leaves you feeling better. Love is spotted in between the lines of a handwritten letter. Love smells like roses and freshly made bread. Love is willing to say, “I’m sorry.” Love is persistent about reconciliation. 
 
Love is true and honest. Love convinces you of your giftings, strength and greatness. Love brings value to your life. Love is to give and receive. You can also spot love in sacrifices; a friend who listens patiently even though they have some exciting “tea” to spill, a boyfriend who flies across the country to spend a few hours with you, your mother who makes you lunch without compliant for months on end with no “thank you” in return. 
 
Yet many of us are engaging in counterfeit love regularly. Over 70% of us to be exact. 
 
You are now wondering to yourself, what is Riley referring to? 
 
P O R N O G R A P H Y
 
Porn is counterfeit love. But before you decide to check out at least allow me to explain myself. 
 
Porn may seem like the newer version of love. Love 2.0 with some upgrades; easier, faster and cheaper. With a few clicks, you enter into a world where you find satisfaction. After a long stressful day at work or a fight with your partner, it’s the kind of outlet you need. Porn never yells at you or tells you what you are doing wrong. Porn is anxious to please and always available with new fascinating content. 
 
But Pornography is an industry based on selling lies that you are meant to look like her or perform like him. Porn takes a person full of purpose and makes them an object of pleasure. In fact, while watching porn your brain doesn’t perceive the sexualized people as fully human. Just as a body, a sum of parts. As Pope John Paul once said, “the problem with pornography is that it does not reveal too much of a person, but too little.” 
 
Porn prostitutes the real meaning of true love. Loving, healthy relationships are built on respect, equality, honesty. But in porn, this is quite the contrary, there, love and sex are based on domination, control, disrespect, and violence. Has your porn consumption reminded you of your significance as a unique being? Have you closed your laptop and thought to yourself “wow I am amazing?” Tbh, I definitely haven’t. 
 
Porn teaches you that you can take, without giving anything back. Plus, it makes us slaves (this choice in wording may seem harsh- but did you know each click helps to enslave another person into human trafficking?). We are slaves to this black hole that takes our time and self-respect in exchange for a dosage of shame and feelings of isolation. It is a gateway drug that leads to sexually acting out, addiction and affairs. Porn is like fast food; always leaving you wanting more with little or no nutritional value.
 
Porn feels like a maze- harmless and fun at first until you find yourself surrounded by darkness. You may feel like you can’t find the exit, but there are secret doors; tell a friend, educate yourself, download anti-porn software. I believe confession is the first stop on the ride to healing. Trust me, you deserve liberation from this stronghold. But you’ve got to be strong enough to step through the door into a room of healing.
 
Hope is only lost when you give it the authority to resign. And you, dear reader, are worthy of love. How you spend your time tells yourself and the world what you want. I hope you chose to live a life that fully participates in REAL LOVE. 
 
#pornisnotreallove
 
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Ps, I recently completed a 50-page research paper on pornography for my Masters in Global Leadership Program. My research is now being used by hundreds of youth leaders and workers across America. 
 
Pss, I wrote this journal in a coffee shop sitting next to a man editing a pornographic image, oh the irony! 
2 Comments
Ted “Theo” Perlman link
11/14/2019 12:23:07 pm

Bravo for your courage in writing about this subject. Porn was my refuge for years as my marriage fell apart. It kept me from finding comfort in other women but it also trapped me in a world of un-reality. I’ve worked in my recording studio with a few adult film stars (they don’t like the term ‘porn’) and they told me they are not thinking about anything the viewers are thinking and feeling. They are simply acting and pretending. They are not “getting off”, they are getting paid to act. That knowledge will totally change how anyone views porn. You might as well watch insects or animals breed - at least they’re honestly ‘into it’.

Bless you Riley my brilliant friend!

Ted “Theo” Perlman

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Grace
11/23/2020 09:44:04 am

I came across you through the Unfiltered Faith Podcast on Spotify! :) I just wanted to thank you for being so brave + open in sharing your own personal experience with something like pornography! It's defo a bit taboo, heavily stigmatised and just not really openly talked about - especially among Christian communities, ironically enough. Everyone is so head-deep in shame + guilt that the very thought of confessing their sin to someone else can be debilitating - they legit can't think of anything worse. But you're so right, confessing it + bringing the sin into the light is the only way to truly heal from it. It means that the sin no longer has a hold on you + that the thing you've been held captive to for so many years is something that you can now have control/power over! I honestly believe it takes brave people like yourself to be bold, courageous + share your own personal experience to really make a difference in the world. Please continue to do what you're doing, you're really making such a positive impact to the world + others (more than you could ever know!) Have a great day!! (^_^)

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    Journal of a Virgin  
    JOURNAL ONE
    JOURNAL TWO
    JOURNAL THREE
    JOURNAL FOUR

    Season of Singleness
    JOURNAL FIVE
    JOURNAL SIX

    Porn is not real love
    JOURNAL SEVEN

    Two Types of Singleness
    ​JOURNAL EIGHT 
    JOURNAL NINE​

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